A Threadbared Epic: "Barbie & Ken - Living In A Crocheted Paradise."

Ken thought it was just great that Barbie had taken up crochet. The den accessories that she gave him made the whole room seem so warm and cozy.

The lacy bedspread she crocheted was a little feminine for his taste but she seemed so proud of it he thought "What the heck!"

And then there was the boxing gym she made for him:

And the weight bench that came next.

The knitted workout outfit itched like hell but it certainly did a good job of absorbing sweat! 

She even did up a little aerobics studio for herself.  One thing Ken had always appreciated was Barbie's desire to keep herself in top shape.

She made a sexy party dress to wear out dancing one night. Rrrrrow! Ken couldn't believe how crafty Barbie had become!

He felt a little gay in the London Overcoat that she made that fall but didn't want to hurt her feelings so he indulged her by wearing it a few times.

He was about to snap though, the day she made him put it on and walk around that damn Tudor Village.

And then....well, things started to go downhill a bit.  Like the night of the big Halloween party when she showed up wearing this:

Or the matching outfits she made them for the Yesterdays Festival. God, he'd never felt like a bigger simp.

Then there was the long weekend that she holed up in the attic and refused to come out. She finally emerged wearing a new creation and Ken felt just a little bit scared by the wild look he noticed in Barbie's eyes.

Christmas Eve. That was an ugly scene that he tried to forget.

Spring finally came and Barbie got out in the garden to work. Ken was glad to see her concentrating on something other than the crochet. But he couldn't help thinking how incredibly unflattering her knitted overalls were.

That was when he realized something very unsettling. Barbie was crocheting everything now. Even the Belgium waffles at the breakfast table that morning had tasted a little...fuzzy.

He urged her to drop the crochet and get back to some of her old hobbies.

"Remember, how much you liked to drive around town in your pink Corvette?  Or riding up and down the elevator of your Dream House? Barbie, honey, you used to ride horses! And scuba dive! You were a veterinarian at one time! You ran for President! You used to be an ASTRONAUT for crissakes!"

She was quiet for a while after that. One day she came home and told Ken that she had taken his advice and gotten a new pet. A sweet little doggie. Did Ken want to go for a walk on the beach with her and doggie?

After that Ken started to hit the bottle a bit, he hung out in smokey bars and flirted with middle-aged divorcees with frosted hair.  That Midge had been after him for years and suddenly she wasn't looking too bad. Anything to get out of that crocheted hell.

Unfortunately for Ken, Barbie had other plans.

Boy, did she.

Good luck Ken! You're going to need it.