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Schoolgirls with Shanks
Of all the gangs at Westwood Middle School, everyone knew that the Purple Diamond Gang was the roughest. Missy, the leader, always wore her trademark patterned stockings. She had no taste for the dirty work. That was taken care of by her minions, Stacy, Megan and Jill. They got their start stealing Hello Kitty pencil bags and roughing up "squealers" out by the kickball field. By 8th grade they'd knocked over a few liquor stores, and Stacy was serving 8 months in juvie for huffing. Salon Selectives was her aerosol of choice, but she had used her share of Butter Flavored Pam as well.
But of all the Purple Diamond derelicts, Jessie, the loner, was by far the most dangerous. At 12, she'd popped a cap in a crossing guard who was "running her damn mouth." In her defense, Jessie insisted that "the polyester clad bitch was asking for it." The rumor around Westwood was that the ponytailed punk would sooner shank you than look at you.
Posted by Kimberly on May 5, 2005 | Permalink
Comments
Soooo funny!
Posted by: Julie | May 5, 2005 12:41:37 PM
after only a week in my favorite list, this is the website I visit the most! You girls are slaying me every day! Thanks a ton!
Posted by: alisa | May 5, 2005 6:04:04 PM
holy argyle, batgirl! I want whatever it is you've been smokin'! your blog is off the hook! ;-)
Posted by: Kim | May 5, 2005 7:57:16 PM
Don't tell me you do Sears cataloges too!
Posted by: hippigirl | May 5, 2005 9:18:46 PM
high-larious.
Posted by: heide | May 6, 2005 6:33:30 AM
True, they are dangerous, but they have a secret weakness, their stilt-like legs which can be broken like strands of uncooked spaghetti.
Posted by: David | May 6, 2005 9:21:26 AM
oh. my. god. that is the *very* pattern my mom used to create my "ensemble" for a trip to England when I was 11. Not in diamonds. But equally awful colours and fabric!
Posted by: jen | May 10, 2005 2:36:49 PM
I used to beat up those kind of girls when I was in school. The secret's in the steel-toed Go-Go Boots. ~>:D
Posted by: Saille | May 11, 2005 12:34:24 AM
I think the most frightening thing about this pattern is that I actually like the outfit the blond girl in the blue sweater is wearing. She looks quite purposeful. I'm not sure how good it would actually look in person, though. I've never actually had a tote bag that was made out of the exact same argyle material as my pants.
Posted by: BT | May 11, 2005 11:56:34 PM
Even scarier is that I went to a Westwood middle school, and I'm sure that more than one girl fashioned a shank from a bic pen and some chewing gum, or bar soap and a plastic spork in study hall...
Posted by: Lara | May 14, 2005 11:41:26 PM
F'n hillarious! I'm dying.
Posted by: jill | May 18, 2005 1:56:22 PM
I love this. Can't wait to send this to some friends!!There is so much good material to choose from in the past. Please keep this going , I can't wait to see your updates. Sharona, keeping sane with crochet and zoloft.
Posted by: Sharon | May 19, 2005 11:28:24 AM
One day, they decided that Stacy was too prissy. She was doing the "I'm a Little Teapot" dance, but her raw-spaghetti arms couldn't bend too well.
Posted by: jfasoga | Jun 27, 2005 5:35:40 PM
Finally! I can make some clothes for the Partridge Family Renunion Tour.
Posted by: Lianne | Jun 27, 2005 11:01:19 PM
the one in the back looks like she was meant to be asian and run in a gang that decorates their hello kittys with fake blood.... but it's the blondes that scare me the most...
thanks for your hilarious post!
Posted by: susan | Jun 30, 2005 9:43:27 PM
I love looking at ancient JC Penny catalogues. Sadly, I like a lot of the clothes better than the skanky crap in the malls today.
Posted by: fin | Aug 14, 2005 5:26:15 PM
*laughing my ass off* this is so clever...and I think I may actually have some of patterns that look like that-- LOL- from the 70's
How halarious --thanks for the laugh...I'll be back to visit
Posted by: Kathryn | Aug 15, 2005 8:30:21 PM
http://freehost.crimeanet.com/family/pantyhose/alyssa/upskirt-pantyhouse.html botherfrigidstraddle
Posted by: aunt | Nov 26, 2005 9:03:38 AM
I've never seen children with such looonnnng legs before. O_o I think the artist basically decided that little girls are just scaled-down women, and drew them with roughly the same proportions.
Posted by: Lois | May 31, 2006 9:57:32 PM
