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Chosen One.
It started out as an innocent purchase from the County Craft Fair....Peggy was walking past a booth when it caught her eye. It seems to be calling out to her, "I Choose You. I Choose You. You...are...the Chosen One."
She ignored it and went to the funnel cake stand instead.
Walking back to her car on the way she passed the booth again....once more, the crochet necklace beckoned to her, "Chooooooosen One."
She felt she had no option but to buy it. That whole hippie look wasn't really her thing but maybe it would look okay with a turtleneck or something.
That was five months ago and Peggy hasn't taken the necklace off since. The first time she tried she felt a tightening around her collar and a burning sensation between her breasts. She had no choice.
She had to submit.
Peggy quit her job as a dental hygienist and spent her days building an aluminum foil tower in her backyard. She did everything the necklace told her to do.
Sometimes Peggy had fantasies about taking the garden shears to it and ending it all. But she was scared, too scared to even try it. It had control now and someday soon the mothership would come and take them both away.
There was nothing left to do but wait.....
Posted by Mary on September 26, 2005 | Permalink
Comments
That's got to be the ugliest piece of yarn work I've ever seen - bad even by 70's standards. Wonder if anyone actually wore it? The model appears to be totally chagrined.
If you are on speaking terms with Harry Potter, think "blast-ended scroots" (from The Goblet of Fire).
Posted by: cee | Sep 26, 2005 2:38:02 PM
This is really just too funny. Too funny by far. Stop it right now - I'm trying to get some work done damnit!
Posted by: Dan | Sep 26, 2005 2:48:00 PM
I know what it is! It's a crochet homage to the giant squid! There's the eye the size of a dinnerplate, the tentacles...what else could it be? Although why she wants to wear a giant squid is beyond me....
Posted by: Cathy | Sep 26, 2005 2:54:03 PM
The model actually appears to be embarrassed, and who wouldn't be. Her whole demeanor screams "I can't believe I wore this to high school. Everyone's making fun of me. I hate this freakin' thing. I can't even eat without it dragging through my food. God please let this day end." I'll bet the original photo was in a high school hallway, and a group of kids were off to the right pointing at her and laughing.
Posted by: Chris W. | Sep 26, 2005 3:22:32 PM
It looks like she had a vomitous experience with the funnelcake and crocheted this beauty in remembrance.
BLEHHHCKCK!!
Posted by: Sunshyne | Sep 26, 2005 3:25:43 PM
Can you imagine wearing this beauty?...it would drag in my lunch, get tangled in my keyboard, wrapped around the gear shift in my car, pulled into the office shredderrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr......
Posted by: Karin | Sep 26, 2005 4:06:41 PM
WAKE UP Peggy!! It's a WALL HANGING!! NOT a necklace!!
Posted by: Annie | Sep 26, 2005 4:20:37 PM
But, does it catch dreams?
Posted by: SageHen | Sep 26, 2005 5:04:05 PM
If it does, would *you* want to keep those dreams? I think not.
Posted by: Liz | Sep 26, 2005 8:00:40 PM
Cthulhu!!!!!!!!Cthulhu!!!!!!!!Cthulhu!!!!!!!!Cthulhu!!!!!!!!Cthulhu!!!!!!!!Cthulhu!!!!!!!!
Posted by: cecilia | Sep 26, 2005 8:06:22 PM
Peggy was strangely attractive to cats after that fated purchase.
Of course there were those who believed that it was actually a crude tribal fertility figure (male) and urged her to go with the garden sheers plan, despite her fears and her characteristic doting indulgence of her 12 cats' whims.
Posted by: RST | Sep 26, 2005 8:12:23 PM
no! it's the eternal eye from Lord of the Rings!
Posted by: lisa | Sep 26, 2005 8:33:49 PM
Is that what you do with those knitting spools? I always wondered. That's just scary.
Posted by: kyle | Sep 26, 2005 9:17:57 PM
Of course she is embarrassed! That's no fashion accessory - it's a punishment! Someone is forcing her to wear that thing all day as a punishment, like the scarlet letter. Probably the headmistress of her school. You'll notice that though her eyes are downcast she has a faint smile - she is plotting her revenge. Stay tuned for..."Peggy Gets Even!"
Posted by: Sarah | Sep 27, 2005 3:15:18 AM
the eye is staring at me....must...get...pattern....
Posted by: Kathryn | Sep 27, 2005 11:11:05 AM
Ever pick up a piece of scrap yarn, start fooling around, and then you just couldn't stop?
That is one of the ugliest things, in any category you care to name, except for certain kinds of arachnids, that I have ever seen.
Posted by: Marcia | Sep 27, 2005 2:08:50 PM
I'm just waiting for it (the nameless monster Peggy unwittingly captured) to rebel, jump up and attack. Sadly, I can totally picture it splayed out across her face, trying to consume her through the central eye of doom.
Posted by: Tami | Sep 27, 2005 2:39:59 PM
Toooo ugly. And that poor girl had to face her friends afterwards. They should have let one of the dead ladies model it instead.
Posted by: Julie | Sep 27, 2005 3:53:52 PM
Best one yet-I sent it to my husband and it promptly went around his office and people were howling. Keep up the good work!
Posted by: Saltwater Princess | Sep 27, 2005 4:36:41 PM
I have seen things like that hiding under rocks in swamps near my house
But, they always get eaten by those giant macrame owls that everyones grand mother had hanging on the wall in her den.
Sad really...I am kinda glad this one found a safe place to live while it plots to take over the world.
Posted by: Donna | Sep 27, 2005 6:24:10 PM
Isn't that a plot from some Stephen King book???
Is Cecilia being choked by her own identical necklace, lost and waiting to find its mate????
Posted by: Barb | Sep 27, 2005 6:29:10 PM
It looks like an evil mutated amoeba. Looking at the center of that thing makes me almost dizzy...hmm? What was that evil amoeba? I should wear you around my neck? Well, sure, that doesn't sound too bad...
Posted by: karma | Sep 27, 2005 7:30:50 PM
That thing is hidiouse.
Posted by: deborah | Sep 27, 2005 8:19:14 PM
Looks like an anus... with tentacles.
Posted by: Kris | Sep 27, 2005 10:42:26 PM
She needs a second one. Then she could use them as epaulets!
Posted by: Allen | Sep 28, 2005 9:45:06 AM
