Oh Dear... I've Trodden In Monsieur's Bucket.

Ah, poodle novelties! Why have your toilet paper roll, teapot or seltzer bottle out in plain sight when they can be oh-so-cleverly disguised as overstuffed poodles?

Speaking of overstuffed, is anyone else reminded of Mr. Creosote from Monty Python's The Meaning of Life?  This poor fella looks like he's ready to explode.

...And finally, Monsieur Poodle Novelty Who Is Cleverly Disguising A Teapot, we have a waaafer thin tea-bag for you.

Mr. Poodle Novelty:  No.

Oh sir! It's only a tiny little thin tea-bag.

Mr. Poodle Novelty:  No. F*ck off - I'm full... (belches)

Oh sir... but it is only waaafer thin.

Mr. Poodle Novelty: Look - I couldn't hold another thing. I'm absolutely stuffed with tea-bags. Bugger off.

Oh sir, just... just one...

Mr. Poodle Novelty: Oh, all right. Just the one.

And I think we all know what happens. Next thing you know, you're wiping down the Darjeeling-soaked walls of your kitchen and picking up shards of teapot and lumps of wool.

Comments

[Sputnik]

Hello. I am a geographically challenged American citizen. Could the kind people at Threadbared please tell me where Canadiana is? I can't find it anywhere on my map. Is it somewhere between Indiana and Canada?

[Marcia]

According to Wikipedia, it's not a where, it's a what:

Canadiana is a term referring to things related to the country of Canada. It is most often used to refer to a class of books somewhat wider than Canadian Literature because it also includes books about Canada as well as Canadian non-fiction works.

The term is very general for it can include books (non fiction as well as fiction) which do not deal with Canada or Canadians but which were written by Canadians or persons who were Canadians at one point in their life.

It is a categorization often seen in bookstores and in research libraries.

One of the specific mandates of the Library and Archives Canada is to collect, organize and make available Canadiana.

The term can also be used more generally to describe a collection of distinctly Canadian items of artifacts or a collection of Canadian works in another cultural field such as music or art.

The two books by Canadian author Douglas Coupland, Souvenir of Canada and Souvenir of Canada 2, are collections of images of pop-culture Canadiana.

[Kathryn]

<---eyeing the malevolent poodles carefully

[Aly]

:K Was not able to post at all yesterday and has now lost all of the cleverness.

-Aly

Scary rabid yarn poodles rock this joint.

[Elabeth]

I actually own one of those poodles. Well, our Stitch N Bitch group does. We fill the bottle with prizes and have drawings for who has to take the scary thing home every couple of weeks. Want to see it?
http://knitbag.com/v-web/gallery/albums/elabeth/100_0355.sized.jpg

[elliegal]

That is GREAT, Elabeth! And I love the Stitch N Bitch name!

[tami]

Coming soon, to a theatre near you...Poodle Atrocities!!! Brought to you in Technicolor. (Wow, even more frightening in full color, Elabeth)

[Ashphalt]

Dear God! This is tugging at some repressed memory. The top left net-body bottle poodle was somewhere in my childhood. A pair I believe, in gray, with metallic ribbon collars and pink pom-poms on the ears.

Their purpose, of course, was to cover the lady of the house's booze bottles. Hide in plain sight, y'know.

[Heids]

Loving the Monty Python references. :D

[Kathryn]

My mom's BYOB cover was teal, as I recall; it has gone away into the mists of time, which is probably just as well. (I am having visions of parties, circa 1971, when there must have been several poodles sitting with their heads separated from their bodies by the end of the night.)

[arlee]

SHUDDER As a "Canadiana-an" i am HORRIFIED! I think they should be stuffed down a beaver's throat or thrown to the Mounties for target practice :}

[rose]

I think Canadiana is the name of the yarn featured in this booklet. See http://www.patonsyarns.com/product.php?LGC=canadiana

[Peri]

OMG my Big Sis had one of those covering a bottle of lurid coloured bath salts. The sad part is I remember being so jealous because I wanted one and she would never let me touch it.It was the sacred crocheted poodle of bathtime pleasures.

I need to go and lie down now to recover from the remembered childhood trauma.

[marn]

My grandmother gave my sister & me each one of these way back when...hers was pink with black bows, and mine was white with red bows. I was always envious of her pink poodle...so much cuter! Don't think ours hid anything but empty bottles...and I believe the bottles were completely encased in crochet & not removable anyway.

[Jenzilla]

That night, the poodles gathered for a meeting. At dawn, they would strike. No one would ever again clip their fur into ridiculous pom-poms!

I have a poodle (an actual live one) and sadly enough, I must confess that I did once succumb to the irresistable urge to give her one of those assinine show clips. I mean, where's the fun of owning a poodle and clippers if you can't shave them into silly shapes? She later destroyed a shoe in revenge. So we came to an understanding - I don't give her stupid haircuts and she leaves my shoes alone.

[irene]

My gramma had a pale blue crocheted poodle monstrosity in the main bathroom, concealing a bottle of blue bath salts. Everything in that bathroom was blue, and there was an impressively comprehensive array of Elizabeth Arden Blue Grass toiletries, never to be used, which got dustier and more faded as the years progressed. When they moved house, the blue poodle was cruelly thrown over for a pink and white poodle toilet paper cosy and matching pink and white toiletries.

[severina]

Damn, I've got a 1950's crocheted black bottle-poodle. I'd seen the ad for the pattern in a vintage needlecraft mag and was pretty horrified when I was presented with the finished product one Christmas. Identical right down to the felt collar with sequins on it and the beady little rhinestone button eyes.

My friends must hate me.

[oddbird]

well those certainly would make cute dildo covers!

[severina]

Dildo covers?!??

"Mommmmm! The poodles are vibrating!!!"

*snort*

[Fargo]

Oy with the poodles already!

[Lois]

Hey, Elabeth, I LOVE the name "Stitch 'N' Bitch"! :-D

I never had a crocheted poodle, BUT I distinctly remember this pattern or kit where you could make a poodle out of white plastic trash bags! In fact, I did make one. I think I had to cut the bags into strips and then make pom-poms out of them somehow, then stuck them into this styrofoam dog-shaped form with pins or glue or something. I don't recall the details, only the poodle. I cannot imagine why my mother let me cut up a perfectly good trash bag for such a silly thing, though. I guess she felt particularly indulgent that day.

[Lois]

You know, now I think about it, I do recall a black poodle somewhere in my past, too. Were the trash bags black instead of white? Or did I have two poodles? I went through a pom-pom phase, so maybe I DID make a pom-pom poodle. Wait, I wasn't even that fond of poodles, and I'm still not, so why would I have made one poodle, let alone two?? Damn these craft obsessions! I never know when they'll strike, take over my life for a brief time, and then disappear like a stealth bomber in the night.

[Jocelyn]

OK, now I have 2 of those bottle-covered poodles in my living room as we speak! A bigger mother one, and a smaller puppy one, joined together with a leash of faux gold pearls.

"Why?" I hear you ask? Because my Dad and his 2nd wife (my evil step-mom (just kidding) used to make them. The wife passed away, and now dear old dad is living with us, and it makes him happy to see them there.

The things we do for our aging, darling parents!!!

[Celia Pleete]

Why are people so ashamed of toilet paper and tea? Moreover, are there poodle cosies crocheted like these poodles? The ultimate irony!